Hurricanes (a.k.a. Pisces, February 19 – March 20):  Having some mighty weird dreams is likely even without mixing too many beers and margaritas.  You've been accused of not being wrapped too tight in the past, and this month that thought is likely to come again if you tell too many people what's been goin' on in your head.  Kids and lovers are likely to be a real pain in the ass and your friends at the ice house are likely to know just a little too much about your private life.  This is probably a good month to spend a lot o' time fishin' by yourself and not much else.

Longhorns (a.k.a. Aries, March 21 – April 20):  Fightin' with your ol' man or ol' lady is likely this month, or anyone else in your household, for that matter.  More 'n likely work has been a bitch, and living under a bridge and sellin' shrimp has an amazing amount of appeal.  Don't count on your buddies at the ice house for any solid support, either, as they're likely to promise you the Moon and not deliver squat.  On the good side, you may have some very interesting dreams that could be entertaining as well as give you some mighty good ideas that could come in handy later.

Tony Lamas (a.k.a. Taurus, April 21 – May 21):  Trouble with neighbors is a possibility this month.  If you need to make any short jaunts, make sure you have a spare, some water and your cell phone along, just in case.  Kids and lovers are likely to be a real pain these days, but that's nothing new.  Changing jobs is a possibility.  You may finally get it figured out what you really wanna do when you grow up and decide to go for it.  If you've gotta law suit of some sort goin', now's a good time to dig up some good information.  It a good time for some partying as well.

Dust Devils (a.k.a. Gemini, May 22 – June 21):  Breakdowns are likely for the next month or so and if you owe anyone money, they're likely to be lookin' to gettin' it back, so lie low.  Home life is probably a drag that you rather avoid, but can't.  Don't get into any more big loans for a while, as they're likely to bite you, sure as God made little green apples.  The first half o' the month may be a good time to take that trip you've been thinkin' about to Dallas or Abilene, just look out for the troopers hidin' down in the grass along I-20.  If you haven't figured out yet what you wanna be when you grow up, this may be the month you figure it out.

Verandas (a.k.a. Cancer, June 22 – July 22):  Crabby is the name of the game these days, ain't it?  More 'n likely your relationships are causin' some serious beer drinkin', too.  Your thoughts are gloomy and sexual fantasies are the only decent escape you've been able to find so far.  The last half o' the month may be a good time for a road trip, just make sure it's ok with your boss and your ol' lady or you might not get laid again for a long, long time.

Tycoons (a.k.a. Leo, July 23 – August 23): Bills are probably pilin' up and causin' some real headaches that even a triple shot of Jack Daniels won't fix.  Work is probably less than enchanting with power trips and gossip less than entertaining and you're thinkin' really hard what on Earth ever made you think it would be a fun job.  You may meet someone new, but make sure you're seeing things clearly before you make any promises you'll regret later, no matter how good he or she may look at the time, with or without clothes.   

Cowpokes (a.k.a. Virgo, August 24 – September 22):  You like to gripe anyway, but lately there's probably been a target-rich environment.  Your friends and probably your kids, too, are actin' like assholes and you've been wonderin' more 'n ever why they can't just shut up.  Work may actually be goin' pretty good, but that could be an illusion so don't get your hopes up too much that it'll last.  Your relationships should be going pretty good by the end of the month, at least.  It looks like you may pay off a big bill this month, but don't run right out and spend the money on somethin' else.

Tumbleweeds (a.k.a. Libra, September 23 – October 23):  Looks like something new may come along on the job that is likely to be a positive change.  Developments in a relationship may come to a close as well.  Home and work are at odds even more than usual, and that's likely to continue for another month so brace yourself.  It's a good month for being creative, which would be a good way to get rid o' some of that stress.  Either go for a drive in the country or clean out the garage, your choice.  It doesn't take a rocket scientist to know which one will be better for your sex life.

Oil Wells (a.k.a. Scorpio, October 24 – November 22):  Your devious mind is in its full glory these days and the good news is that this is goin' to continue for a long, long time, thanks to Pluto in your 3rd House.  Now I know you're thinkin' that you don't even have one house, much less two or three since you're still in that there trailer.  Just take my word for it and if you come up with a really good idea and someone says somethin' just tell 'em it's cuz Pluto's in your 3rd House and the look you git will be worth a million.  If you've ever done anything illegal, including such things as unpaid parking tickets, lie low this month.

Stetsons (a.k.a. Sagittarius, November 23 – December 21):  If you've noticed that a lot of your stuff has been breakin' down lately, get used to it.  Any dirt from your past relative to your finances is likely to come out, too.  Daydreamin' to escape is likely, and the first half o' the month might not be a bad time to take a short trip.  Something may come up at home that takes you by surprise, but after the initial crisis passes it shouldn't be a bad thing.  If you're really lucky a wish could come true this month, or conversely, you might decide it's not worth the price and get over it.

Dualies (a.k.a. Capricorn, December 22 – January 20):  More 'n likely you're feeling your Cheerios lately and not taking any crap from anyone.  Your relationships are probably less than entertaining these days and you've said so more than you usually would.  Daydreamin' 'bout something big and expensive is likely, whether it's a big house on the hill or a F350 dualie complete with a brush guard that could take out a two thousand pound steer.  You may finish a project at home or work of some kind that results in a pleasant surprise.  

Lonestars (a.k.a. Aquarius, January 21 – February 18):  You may be viewed as an air head of some sort this month as you're more 'n likely goin' to be somewhat elusive, whether you intend to be or not.  Looks like you're thinkin' of buyin' somethin' new, maybe because you got your income tax return or other windfall.  If you have anything goin' on that involves lawyers, contracts, politics or religion, it's likely to come to a finish this month also.  You may be wondering what you really want to be when you grow up, especially since it's likely that the people at work are acting like assholes and getting on your last nerve.

Sign Descriptions