As the first sign in the Zodiac, let's hear some accolades for Aries...

How many Martians do you know? Okay, so it’s a bit of a stretch. Just because you’re ruled by Mars doesn’t mean you’re a Martian. But if you know any Aries, you’ve got to admit there are numerous times that you truly believed that they came from another planet. An unfriendly one. One like those the science fiction horror writers invent, where its inhabitants have totally destroyed their own world so now they’re after ours.

Remember that alien in the mother-ship at the conclusion of the movie, "Independence Day?" The one that kind of cocked its head in disbelief before Will Smith and Jeff Goldblum blew its insidious, alien butt to the great unknown? You know that look? The one that says, "Who the hell are you, dumb ass, and why are you in my space station?" Well, if you’ve seen a look like that lately, its owner was probably an Aries.

I’m not saying Aries are unfriendly. Quite the contrary, they can be very outgoing and seem like your best buddy in the entire universe, but that only lasts as long as you’re on their side and not giving them any flack. If you make the mistake of crossing one, you may be the one who wakes up in the great unknown. They’re officially personified by a Ram and, believe me, that symbolism is as accurate as comparing a Capricorn to a mountain-climbing goat. Never turn your back on a Ram or you might find out the hard way just how much damage those horns really can do.

Aries, as you can probably guess, is a Fire sign. Its natives are born between March 21 – April 20 and love attention as well as excitement and if there isn’t any they’ll make their own. The louder and more disruptive the better. The original redneck was probably an Aries. I don’t know if an Aries invented the rifle, but I would bet, statistically, they own more firearms than any other sign. After all, Mars is the god of war. Furthermore, they live in the 1st House of Personality and definitely have an sense of self. (That may be the biggest understatement that I make all year.)

This is not to say that Aries are not lovable. Male or female, they possess a refreshing honesty and charm that’s hard to

Dall Ram

Original art courtesy of

 resist. Even if its because they’ll say what no one else would dare and couldn’t care less if someone was offended. But amazingly, they’re really quite sensitive, so be cautious in how personal you get if you’re brave enough to return their insults. They’ll admire your spunk to a certain level, then respond pretty much like the Queen of Hearts in Alice in Wonderland and take off your head. All this aside, most of your genuine heroes are Aries. They’ll run into that burning building to rescue someone’s Chihuahua without a second thought.

They can really tell stories, or especially jokes that will dissipate any shades of boredom in a nanosecond. They have little, if any, concept of time and are perpetually late. Some years ago as a manager I had an Aries supervisor who reported to me. She was late to virtually every staff meeting we ever had and then invariably needed to leave early. Fire signs all seem to think that time itself is subject to their control. They’re impulsive and witty but, unless they have an Earth sign for their ascendant or Moon, they’re probably not punctual and likewise somewhat remiss at completing projects. Nonetheless, they tend to be natural leaders because, like most cardinal signs, they love to be in charge, so in most cases they’ll find one of their vast minions to do the real work.  Aries love new beginnings.  For the guys particularly, if their life ever becomes intolerable they have no problem packing up whatever they can fit in their car or truck and driving off into the sunset in search of new adventures rather than deal with messes that are far too complicated to hold their interest.

Many years ago I lived next door to a family where both parents were Aries. Hardly a day would pass that the wife didn’t send over one of her many children to borrow something. But whenever there was an emergency or we needed help of any sort, the husband was there. The bigger the emergency, the more help you got. Usually their car would be in the driveway with all the doors flung wide open where the kids got out and scattered but neither parent would notice or care about this unimportant detail. It annoyed the hell out of me, Ms. Capricorn/Virgo Ascendant, but now I see the humor in it. Things like closing car doors just don’t show up on an Aries’ radar.

There is definitely a place for Aries in this world. They’ll take on dragons or any other problem they can solve with a sword, sparing the rest of us the trouble. These natural warriors, unlike the rest of us, don’t mind a little blood on their boots. After all, their favorite color is probably red for a reason. So the next time you’re in trouble, you’ll probably encounter an Aries in one form or another. It will either be that impulsive hero saving your butt or the one kicking it, depending on which side of the situation you fall out on. Either way, you’ve gotta love ‘em for that knack they have for livening up what can sometimes be a pretty drab world, even if they think the rest of us are pussies.


Attitude:  Kill 'em all and let God sort 'em out.


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